My life is like a film...

I really ought to blog more often.

A particular cute guy at work had given me his number.
Inside I was elated, so happy I could move on from how captain mindfuck left me.
The word date was mentioned and again, my heart rose further.

So when someone I used to work with had seen us together and put two and two together, asking me if there was something going on and I didn't deny it. Things spread like wildfire and he was confronted with questions and rumours. On go the emergency brakes and I get catapulted through the windscreen and become a tangled heap on the road ahead complete with glass embedded in me.

I have no idea why he panicked but here I am, back to square one and far worse, maybe minus a friend.

He's upset and I am too as we are both deeply embarrassed by what had escalated into something far more serious than it was.
I feel awful for him and slightly nauseous thinking about how he must feel.
I am probably more embarrassed as the signals were there and noticed by many.
Right now, a black hole exists where my heart is supposed to be and it is sucking everything up - merely thinking about this makes my chest hurt, it becomes difficult to breathe and my cheeks are hot and wet from the tears I cry in silence.
Being nearly 26, I really ought to brush this off far more easily but I suppose my protective upbringing and relative naivety come into play here.
I do not view men with the suspicion that many of my counterparts do and this may be a flaw of mine which needs work to lessen and ultimately eliminate.
My face may show disappointment at times but I do wear at least a slight facade. Not once have my colleagues seen me cry and I do not intend to change this.

I simply do not understand what is so wrong with me.
Guys think I am an awesome friend but I am beginning to form the opinion that in terms of girlfriend material, I must be perceived like the girl from The Exorcist.

Should anyone reading this have suggestions on what I did wrong or how I can get it right, please feel free to comment on this post.

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